there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize