I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My life is pants optional.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
