Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
