the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
zippers are such a cool invention
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
