He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
