In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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