I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
