Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
