So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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