and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
