I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
