Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Randomize
