just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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