He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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