Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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