Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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