Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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