I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
