he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Are we still banned from the library?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
