i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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