I'm so fucking centered right now
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Randomize
