At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
