I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
