I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
