K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
