Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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