I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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