Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize