I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
There's even glitter on my cock...
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