you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
