We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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