even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
