It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
