I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
