Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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