you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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