using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize