I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
