I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize