yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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