In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
