i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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