whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I think my moral compass just broke
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
