Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
