Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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