I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The best revenge is premature balding
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
