Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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