I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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