Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize