i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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