Buhtt sex?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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