She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
