She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize