my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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