I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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