she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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