i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
