Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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