I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Randomize