just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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