Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
