drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
