i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
