Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
