Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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