Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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