new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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