dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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