pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
