dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I queefed so loud it echoed.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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