rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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