3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
