he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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