I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
